As Seen on TV!!!!!!!

It’s like an emery board for your cats that is specially designed to keep their nails trimmed and rounded! And the special scratchable material is infused with catnip to keep your kitty coming back for more! Only $29.99, but if you call in the next 10 minutes, we’ll knock off a whole $10, to make a special low price of $19.99!

I want one. I don’t even have a cat. I don’t even like cats. I think they’re frightening. But I WANT a special kitty scratching post. It’s so convenient. I would never have to clip my nonexistent cat’s nails again! I also want an egg boiler, a Sham Wow, the entire Bare Minerals makeup collection, the Ab Rocket, and maybe a Slap Chop for good measure.

I know that these items are stupid. I already know how to boil eggs in a pot, and I don’t even really like hard boiled eggs. Sham Wows don’t work at all. Bare Minerals can’t possibly be as good as the infomercial touts, the Ab Rocket doesn’t o anything about stomach fat, and, while I may not be as efficient as a Slap Chop, my cutting board and paring knife are just as useful. So why in the world do I want to spend my hard earned money on these things?

Maybe it has to do with the second and third most important of the fourteen core American values as defined by Robin Williams: individual comfort and success, and material comfort. Raised in a middle class family, I am no stranger to individual and material comfort. My mom’s car gets good gas mileage, I have a cell phone and an iPod, and I go to sleep every night on a nice comfortable bed with no doubts that tomorrow I will be able to enjoy the same comforts. However, I am also programmed to strive to better myself.

Another of the 14 core American values is practicality and efficiency, that is, doing the most work the fastest and with the least amount of energy. And that’s where “As Seen on TV” comes in. Even as a small child, I marveled at the speed at which the Slap Chop could turn tomatoes, onions, and cilantro into a tasty and delicious salsa treat. I wanted it. This didn’t change as I grew older and wiser. I was assured by a handsome and charismatic salesman that this little device would change my life. He led me to believe that it didn’t matter if my parents died, I got straight F’s, my dog had an accident in the house, etc. With one push of the Slap Chop’s smooth hard plastic top, all my troubles would disappear, the Heavens would open up, and angels would sing the Hallelujah chorus…. And I believed him.

Alas, one day over winter break, my mother decided to dice up some vegetables for a salsa. I went to the drawer to grab the old knife and cutting board routine, but apparently the charismatic salesman had reached my mother too, because she stopped and pulled out… voila! A Slap Chop! My heart sped up and my palms began to throb. I watched as she put the first tomato on the counter and placed the Slap Chop over it. She let me do the honors.

I looked around my small kitchen for the last time, expecting to be transported to a gigantic mansion with a fully equipped kitchen and a refrigerator with double doors as soon as pressed down on the chopping button. I took a deep breath, applied a little pressure, and closed my eyes…. Pop! Nothing happened. I looked at the tomato in the Slap Chop. Half of it was stuck in the metal chopper and half of it was still not cut up. What? Blasphemy! I slapped the button again and again and again. It was terrible. Such disillusionment I would never wish upon another person. It was if I had discovered that Santa Claus wasn’t real again! The Slap Chop was just a piece of trash and instead of having finely diced tomato pieces, I had a mushy tomato glop that was seeping onto everything on the counter. I was crushed.

My soul felt as mangled as the tomato. I had a Slap Chop, so why hadn’t my homework disappeared and my old puppy dog risen from the dead?

Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that naivety. I saw the infomercials. I saw the old woman talk about how easy the Slap Chop made her life, and I wanted to be as happy as her. But By wanting that, I only pushed happiness further away. My contentment at chopping vegetables had ebbed and flowed as the Slap Chop took over my psyche. NOT HEALTHY.

Now I am an adult. My first time with the Slap Chop was not a success, and it led me to understand more about the values of individual and material comfort. If you think you have a high level of comfort, you do. It’s all subjective.

To conclude, I still enjoy watching infomercials. Billy Mays is still a hero of mine, and I mourn his passing like a friend. And I still want EVERY SINGLE THING that I see on those stupid commercials. Maybe my life would be more comfortable if I had a shoe rack that hung on my closet door, or a special set of Tupperware containers that were stackable and easily organized. But the point is, convenience does not equal comfort. How long until I start throwing my shoes in the bottom of my closet again, or before I stop stacking my Tupperware and start shoving it in drawers. Stupid products don’t change a person’s habit. Tupperware can’t make me a more organized person, just like the Slap Chop can’t help me be a better cook.

For two easy payments of $39.99, you too can come to a life changing conclusion like this. But, if you call in the next 10 minutes, we’ll double your order. Yes you hear right, that’s TWO life changing conclusions for only two easy payments of $39.99. You must be 18 or older to order

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Privately owned media

In class on Tuesday, we discussed how there are six privately owned news stations, including ABC, NBC, CBS. In addition to delivering the news to the masses, these corporations also deliver a perspective, which is severely influenced by the opinions of those higher up in the company. Therefore, we the masses, get the news and a bias. That’s a bad thing, right? We’re impressionable as a society, and there should be more public news stations where we can get the clear undoctored, unbiased, honest-to-goodness truth, not some twisted half-hearted version of what used to be the truth. It should be news of the people, presented by the people, for the people. Hmmm, that sounds a little familiar.

Let’s approach this scenario from another point of view. Imagine a world where all the news stations are “public” (that is controlled and regulated by the government). Without the corporate bigwigs filtering occurrences, shouldn’t we get more undiluted news? Well, what about the government? I’m sure that they will demand to have a large say in what is aired over their own stations, much like the corporations. However, without the diversity of the corporations (or at least the diversity in their beliefs), we will still be getting a bias, just one without opposition. The government is a business, just like everything else, and it’s one that will not air stories that make itself look bad or unprepared. Whoever has the control, whether it be the Republicans or the Democrats, would probably gloss over any mishaps in their party. Think about the Watergate Scandal. Imagine that the government owned all the news stations, and the Republicans were the party in power. Do you think they would have made such a to do out of the whole situation? My guess is a big fat no. I think they would have cut their losses and their might have been maybe a blip on the evening news about an alleged break in at the headquarters of the Democratic Party.

In my opinion, this would be too much control put into the hands of the biggest business in America, the American Government. While there might be a lot of bias in the media today, at least it’s six different points of view. And through looking at all six points of view, I’m sure that we can all figure out what the news was supposed to be in the first place.

One Man's Trash

A “crippling” social issue that has been becoming more and more prevalent, even with all the advancement in preventative technology, is the rising rate of children born to young single mothers, most of who are below the poverty line. According to Kathryn Edin and Maria Kefalas in their book Promises I can Keep, the number has risen from 1 child in 20 born out of wedlock to more than 1 in 3 children just over the past 60 years. However, upon more exploration into the issue, the two came to a surprising conclusion. In the poorer communities in America, having a baby young and single is not always an accident. It isn’t planned usually, but in the eyes of the mother, an unexpected pregnancy is more of a blessing than a curse.
As an 18 year old girl from an upper middleclass family, a baby would be the end of my life right now. My mother has brought home the proverbial bacon since she and my father got married. She had her three children after achieving financial stability and professional success at age 32, 34, and 37. Throughout my entire life, I have had the ideals of many other girls my age who have grown up being told that I can achieve whatever I want. With this idea nailed into my head, as well as many self sufficient female role models to look up to, I’ve grown up knowing that I won’t bring children into this world unless I am in a loving marriage and able to depend on myself financially should anything ever happen . For me, having a child before then would be the ultimate failure. I don’t understand how these women in the poor communities don’t feel the same.
And then I stepped back and took in the scene in one objective sweep. According to the women in question, having a baby is oftentimes the only option. They grow up in a neighborhood where there aren’t many female role models like my mother. No one ever sits them down and tells them that they can achieve great things, much less pounds the idea into their head. What do you do when you have no self worth, no job, not enough education? What’s left? And that’s where the babies come in. Every woman can have a baby. And that’s the answer. A baby is the one thing that a woman is guaranteed in life. And for someone who hasn’t been taught how to believe in herself, a baby is a way to justify her existence.
I still can’t even imagine being pleased about having a baby at my age and life status, but learning to step back and objectively view a situation is helping me to comprehend the differences an environment can make in shaping a person’s future. It’s as true as the cliché ‘one man’s trash is another man’s treasure.’ What may ruin one person’s life may save another’s. We are a product of our environment, and we are shaped by outside influences. I think that is one of the main themes Edin and Kefalas are trying to portray in their book.